Is it OK Not Knowing the End?

NaNoWriMo is all about the word count. But for me it's supposed to be all about the writing.  Well really it is all about writing every day.  So far this month I've written every day but one. Yay! But these stats on the NaNo page...are they helpful. Probably to some they are a great motivator.  For me...they are complicated - since I'm just trying to write every day.  Yes it will be great to hit 50K this month but I'm conflicted.  I just want to write every day.  See how conflicted I sound?  And that item close to the bottom that says, "at this rate you will finish on..." Well, you can imagine what I'm saying to that stat every day!

Hence let's get back to the focus of my blog being called "Just Keep Writing." Maybe for this month we should consider calling it "Just Keep Writing Every Day."

I've been working on this novel for a really long time now - like years - and I "just keep writing." I've got all kinds of scenes in all kinds of journals, written at writing circles, rewritten, jumbled together, forgotten about, etc. Written over lunch breaks, on weekends, holidays, early in the morning (hardly ever at night: lark not owl).

I'm not an outliner. (Yay for those of you who are - I salute you! And no, that was not sarcastic.) I don't know what the end of my novel looks like - except that I hope it has a happy ending because I really don't like it when books end sadly.

But here's my thing for today - I haven't finish yet - so is there an end? Because I haven't finish the first draft yet.  Let's be clear I totally get that this is a draft and that writing a novel takes a LOT of work and I'm loving the work.  Is it OK that I haven't finish? Is it OK that I don't know what is going to happen? Is it OK that I don't know the end of the story?

I guess it is going to have to be.  The story keeps coming out. I sit down every morning and it keeps coming out. I'm having fun (otherwise I would stop because life it too short). But is it OK that I haven't gotten through to the end?

I don't want to rush it. When I try to push it, it gets messy and awkward and horrible, so I get up and walk away. I come back later and it gets better.

So...perhaps I'll just keep doing it the way I'm doing it and trust in the work/words.